13th December 2024

Friday 13th, which some might think unlucky, but to us just means we are halfway through our seasonal cornucopia of tidbits.

Let's have some terrible cracker jokes. First of all, this incomprehensible (but factual) motto:

The annual Christmas Cracker Joke competition, as reported in the Guardian, had these Top Ten voted for by the British public. Topical yes, but funny? Ah well.

What gifts will Sir Keir get this Christmas?

None, he’s had enough!

(yes, that was apparently Number One)

Why are pensioners bulk buying-brussels sprouts this Christmas? 

It’s the only way they’ll keep the gas flowing this year

Why is Rachel Reeves in the Nativity this year? 

She’s collecting inn-heritance tax.

Why is Santa worried about being stalked? 

He’s surrounded by baby reindeer

Who’s Santa’s favourite member of Oasis? 

Noel

Why does Father Christmas find going down chimneys easier this year? 

He’s on Ho Ho hozempic.

Why aren’t there more jokes about receiving Oasis tickets for Christmas? 

Most people won’t get them.

What do you call a Belgian reselling tickets at inflated prices? 

A Brussels tout.

What’s the Thames Water advent calendar like? 

It’s full of number 2s.

Why did Gareth Southgate get into difficulty with the Christmas Club money? 

He was always late with his subs.