The Laboratory

Fans of Seinfeld will remember the J Peterman catalogue, full of clothes and accessories, each with a written description in flowery language that the owner dreamt up and none of his underlings were brave enough to tell him they were nonsense. Well, our friend Gillian has discovered a real-life equivalent: the Hammacher Schlemmer catalogue . Every item is a delight, with its sheer unnecessariliness, the ornate description, and the eye-watering prices.

CHRISTMAS GIFT GUIDE PART TWO Still on the hunt for the perfect last-minute gift? Or have you been allocated a Secret Santa you really dislike? Adam has personally hand-selected these novelty presents just for you. FOR HER From the Poundland "banter" range , ideal for the busy executive of the female persuasion who wants to be taken seriously FOR HIM He doesn't have any shirts with cufflink buttonholes but he always goes on about how great Percy Pig is FOR YOUR MP Available in both House of Commons and House of Lords colours, just the thing for the politician's mantlepiece FOR THE TV ADDICT Nuff said FOR THE FOODIE Cheesy trees

Saturday Gift Guide Well, all the colour supplements are doing it, so why shouldn't we? Here are our top gift picks. FOR HIM Make sure your man gets properly clean in the shower by buying him a ManWasher.  Just tell him it's definitely not a sponge. It comes with comedy instructions. FOR HER Watch her eyes light up when she opens this set of fruit-shaped Matryoshka. And then listen to her gasp when you tell her it cost £275. FOR THE FAMILY Enjoy a new twist on an old game with the Primark version of Monopoly. Charge rent on socks, and try to collect all four changing rooms. Let us know if you see any other naff (sorry, naff? we didn't mean that!) gifts we can feature next Saturday!