Inoffensive and harmless

The new Hannah Montana/Mikey Cyrus film is out now. If you're blissfully unaware of this, then imagine a cross between Hilary Duff, Mandy Moore and Lindsay Lohan (in their pre-rehab phases) in a concert film so saccharine that your teeth will hurt within minutes [btw, try doing a Google search for "so saccharine that" if you want mild amusement and bad metaphors].

The film has a U rating, with the warning "This film contains no material likely to offend or harm". That is no doubt the scariest thing about it.